If you are going through the family court with an abusive ex, you may worry that the court will only care about whether he is “a good dad”, and that what he did to you won’t count. In England and Wales, the rules say otherwise. The family court has to take domestic abuse seriously in cases about children, and the law recognises that abuse aimed at you can harm your children too.
The rule the court must follow: Practice Direction 12J
In England and Wales, family courts follow Practice Direction 12J whenever domestic abuse is alleged, admitted or suspected in a child arrangements case.
It doesn’t treat domestic abuse as physical violence only. It covers controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, and psychological, emotional and financial abuse, as well as physical and sexual abuse.
Practice Direction 12J says:
- the court must consider at every stage, and especially at the first hearing, whether domestic abuse is an issue
- children can be harmed by domestic abuse directly and indirectly, even when they are too young to understand what is happening, including when the abuse affects the parenting of the parent being abused
- any order for contact must not expose the child to an unmanageable risk of harm
- where domestic abuse has occurred, contact should only be ordered if the court is satisfied that the safety of the child and the parent they live with can, as far as possible, be secured before, during and after contact
What happens if he denies it
If he does not accept what you say happened, the court can decide whether to hold a fact-finding hearing. This is a hearing where the judge looks at the evidence and decides which of the disputed allegations are true. The court decides whether one is needed. It doesn’t happen automatically in every case.
Your children are victims too
The law also recognises children as victims in their own right. Under section 3 of the Domestic Abuse Act 2021, in force since 31 January 2022, a child who sees or hears domestic abuse, or experiences its effects, is treated as a victim of domestic abuse, as long as they are related to the abuser or the parent being abused.
Why this matters for you
Abuse aimed at you is not separate from your children’s safety, and the court is required to look at both. You don’t need to prove he hurt the children directly for what he did to you to matter.
How this might make you feel
- Worried that raising the abuse will make you look like you are trying to keep the children from their dad
- Unsure whether what happened was “serious enough” to mention
- Frustrated if it feels like nobody is listening
- Relieved to know the rules recognise what you and your children went through
How this can show up in your case
- He says the abuse was “just between adults” and has nothing to do with the children
- He describes himself as a devoted father while minimising what he did to you
- You find yourself playing down what happened so you seem reasonable
- The children react to him, or to talk of contact, in ways that worry you
Go deeper
- Dictionary: Practice Direction 12J, fact-finding hearing, FHDRA, child victim, Domestic Abuse Act 2021, supervised contact, minimising
- Read: What Is Cafcass and What Does It Do?, Cafcass Asked If He’s a Good Father. What Should I Say?, Proving Domestic Abuse Isn’t the Same as Proving Risk to Your Child, What Coercive Control Can Actually Look Like
- Guides: our original practical guide (Get Money. Get Out. Get Rid.) covers your legal options in England and Wales, and Keep A Record shows you how to record what happened, including when the children were present. You can find them on our Get Help page.
The Women’s Railroad is the original practical guide to equip women with the knowledge and options to navigate and leave domestic abuse. Get Money. Get Out. Get Rid.
