Leaving doesn’t automatically end control. If it feels like things got worse after you left, not better, that’s a genuinely common experience, and the law now recognises it directly.
A gap that used to exist, and doesn’t anymore
Before 2021, there was a real problem with how the law handled this. The original offence of controlling or coercive behaviour, under section 76 of the Serious Crime Act 2015, required that the victim and the person abusing them had lived together. That meant an ex-partner who no longer lived with you, even if the abuse was continuing or getting worse, could not be prosecuted for controlling or coercive behaviour at all.
Section 68 of the Domestic Abuse Act 2021 changed that. It amended the definition used in the 2015 Act to remove the living-together requirement entirely. As the law stands now, the offence applies to partners, ex-partners, or family members, regardless of whether they currently live together, or ever did.
That means behaviour like using children as leverage or a way to maintain contact, constant or excessive messaging after you’ve asked it to stop, turning up unannounced, or continuing to control money or access to it after the relationship has ended, can all fall under the same offence as controlling or coercive behaviour during a relationship. You don’t need to still be with him, and you don’t need to have ever lived with him, for what’s happening now to count.
Why this doesn’t get talked about as much as it should
A lot of the public understanding of domestic abuse is still built around the idea that leaving is the end of it, the moment everything gets safer. For a lot of women, leaving is when a different, sometimes more frightening phase starts, especially where children are involved and ongoing contact can’t simply be cut off.
This is also still a live, developing area of the law. A government review of stalking legislation launched in 2025 specifically includes examining how harassment and post-separation coercive or controlling behaviour interact and are distinguished from each other, which tells you this isn’t settled or finished, it’s still actively being worked on.
If this is what you’re living through
What you’re experiencing has a name, and increasingly, a legal framework built to recognise it specifically, not just informally. You are not expected to simply endure it because the relationship has technically ended.
Our guides cover the practical and legal options available to you, including how to document ongoing contact and behaviour safely.
